I remember having to explain to someone why we were researching current and past race relations, state and local laws when going through the college search process for our son.
And why his turning 18 meant something totally different.
And why I worry when he goes out for a walk or run on any given day.
Like Ahmaud Arbery.
THIS and other events of the last few weeks is why. During a pandemic, no less.
QUESTION
“What laws do you look for? I would like to see if Utah has them.”
MY RESPONSE
not one in particular. More about laws that disproportionately negatively impact people (men) of color. Examples stop and frisk, citizens arrest, stand your ground (citizens and law enforcement), mandatory minimums. Other things like who are the DAs? How have cases involving men of color been handled…resulting in no charges or arrests for obvious and proven cases?
No place is perfect but some definitely have red flags and are proven harmful to people of color. He was pretty adamant himself about not going certain places.
Thank you for asking
FOLLOW-UP QUESTION
“So I am just trying to understand. Is citizens arrest bad? Is t it helpful if a citizen can arrest someone who is being dangerous to someone else? Or this has resulted in bad things for men of color?”
MY RESPONSE
“Citizens arrest is in the eye of the beholder and more times than not, men of color, black men, are viewed as a threat from the get go. My 18 year old has already been in these situations and my husband more times than I can count in our 25 years together. On paper, it sounds like a good idea but who gets to decide if my son or my friend’s son fits the description of a suspect and then decides to take action? There is proven unconscious bias that makes that a law that disproportionately negatively impact men of color.
If you flip the details in this scenario. 3 men of color in two vehicles with a shotgun and two other firearms, chasing down a white male jogging down the street and then shooting him dead in the street. The chances that they would still be out walking around and living their lives for over 2 months after the incident, with no charges or arrests, is zero. The would have been exercising the same citizens arrest right… very different lense and outcome….
FOLLOW-UP QUESTION
“Yes, it’s true. And I am sorry that it is. That’s why I was wondering what laws need changed. I am sorry that you have to worry about your sons and husband.”
MY RESPONSE
“I appreciate you asking. Really do. I appreciate you ‘listening’ to my candor. Many times it’s not only the laws themselves but also the people we elect to enforce the laws and the minds of people in general. For whatever reason, the image of people of color, men primarily, is immediately negative and seen as threatening. We have to make sure the boys know that their presence, for whatever reason, elicits fear in people (primary white people) and they have to ensure they are always aware of their surroundings and who is around them. It’s tough to exist without ever being able to truly relax outside your home.
The people we elect set a tone, create an atmosphere, foster a culture and environment for what is tolerated and not…just like leadership in the workplace. The action that people can take is to stand up for things that are not right and equitable… be vocal. It’s not enough to “not be racist”, people must be “anti-racism”. Asking “what happened before the video started”… is irrelevant if a 12 year old boy of color is being gunned down or people are getting killed for a broken tail light.
Also, consider what the people that they vote for and elect stand for. More than a single issue vote, but for the greater good. Consider unconscious biases that are being stoked and demand better. Support those doing the advocacy work.
And remember friends of color. I tell our friends that just because you know us doesn’t mean that is how others see us. My boys are just another black boy and my husband another black man to others. They have no idea who they are and sometimes don’t care. I hope this helps a bit. Especially for those of us who are believers. It’s tough to continue to have discussions with the kids about people who proclaim to be followers of God who continue to say things, support things and people and do things that are not at all Christ-like. They just don’t get it sometimes. Happy to talk more. Wish more people would ask.”
